I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
