pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
