We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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