I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
