Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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