he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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