yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
