Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
