FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
