I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
