he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
