I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Mom said you looked used
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
