her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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