She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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