we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
