So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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