I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
