There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
