You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
