if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
