so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
