Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize