You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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