I feel like abortions should bother me more
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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