I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
