His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
