What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
