who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
