I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I love having hate sex.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
COCAINE IS GR8
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