I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
