Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
