remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You are a genius and a whore.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
