Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
