The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
birth control should be required to get into college
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
