maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
