I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
