Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
