So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
