The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
