sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
