I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
