Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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