I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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