There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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