This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
