You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
