Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
