Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
