first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
