drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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