I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
