This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
