apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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