she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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