I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
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he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
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how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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