i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
