Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
