i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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