Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
