Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
