true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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