I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
