i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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