When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
