I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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