Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So vagazzling was a success
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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