You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
