I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Enjoy the penises
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
