Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
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I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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