that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
