somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
